Ya, the expression is legit true
I know I know. We are taught that selflessness is a major key to happiness. Altruism and all that stuff, right?
And while yes, helping others IS definitely a great way to feel all warm and fuzzy inside, when taken too far, it can cause some serious problems.
Problems such as exhaustion, severe burnout and resentment.
Some of us even use helping others as a way to distract ourselves from dealing with our own problems!
I know. Kinda genius, but also eek! Not much good usually comes out of that!
So, when life takes a woman who tends to consistently put others before herself (consciously or subconsciously) and adds a breast cancer diagnosis on top of that,
It can often cause a lot of unwanted yucky feelings.
Maybe even a lot of emotional backlash and damage.
And yes, I know.
The kids need to be taken care of, your parents need consoling, and the people at work need you to be your “usual” perky self, yadda yadda.
But here’s what I am going to tell you.
I have seen this end badly time and time again.
I have seen the emotional wreckage that self-neglect leaves behind,
Especially when dealing with a trauma such as breast cancer.
I’m also going to tell you that I know it can be hard to shift this habit,
And it can sometimes feel easier to put others first,
And there may be a lot of people who count on you.
But that does not mean that you are incapable of making some changes to ensure that you are getting what you need as well as still helping out others.
And because I’m ya girl, I have a few tips for you to try out.
Figure out what you are really needing. Like specifically. None of this wishy washy stuff here, ok? Like very clear needs. (DO NOT skip this step! Sometimes we think that what we need is obvious, but it often is not. Spend the time to find clarity around what you’re needing).
Ask for help. I know I know. A lot of us dread this step. But girl, giiiirl! You are going through an extraordinarily hard time, and you do need help. ASK FOR IT. Feel too hard to ask? Start small and work your way up. Baby steps Bob, baby steps. (Don’t forget to communicate your needs to your kids, partners and parents etc. Just because they’ve known your needs in the past does not necessarily mean that they know what you are needing right now.)
Learn your boundaries and set them. Maybe you don’t want to constantly have to console others about your diagnosis? Or maybe you do? Whatever your boundaries are - LEARN them and SET them on the regular. They’ll save you a LOT of heartache.
Check in with yourself and update your plan as needed. After a while something may no longer be working, or maybe your needs are shifting. Be sure to circle back around and check in with yourself on a semi regular basis.
These tips are a great way to begin the process of putting yourself first while still helping others.
Try them out and let me know how it goes.
You are worth it,
You deserve it,
You’re doing fucking great,
And I truly love ya.
Love and Light,
~Adriana