Saying Yes, When You Really Mean No
Good afternoon my lovelies!
Do you ever find yourself saying yes, when you really mean no? And then feeling resentful or just down right crabby about it? Well, many of us do this and it often causes more problems and pain than intended. So today I'd like to briefly share a few reasons as to why we say yes when meaning no, and a few tips on how to make it change.
Most people just don't like saying "no". No is viewed as a "negative" word, and is often followed by disappointment and/or confrontation. Not a comfortable situation for many of us. So, rethink your definition of "no". Why is "no" such a negative word to you? Try and think of "no" as freeing, as a strength and as an opportunity to uphold your boundaries. Think of it as self care and self respect (because it is).
People may not have an immediate answer. Rather than taking a moment to respond, we sometimes just say yes without thinking about the consequences. Take a friggin minute or two to think. I know this can be hard (especially for those of us whose brains run a mile a minute) but you will get use to it the more you practice. Just take a moment before you answer. It's totally ok to tell someone, "Let me get back to you on that". People can wait, trust me. Wanting to please others at any cost to ourselves. Instead of saying no, we just say yes in hopes to please the other people involved rather than thinking about ourselves. When you say yes, make sure it is for you not for someone else. It's fine to say yes if you really want to help someone, but please make sure you are not saying it to please someone. You can't be everything to everyone, and you shouldn't feel like you have to be. Say yes, if YOU want to and not for any other reason. You honestly think that you can. It's not that you don't want to, it's just that you simply cannot follow through with what you promised to do. This can quickly lead to feeing overworked, over tired, resentful and disappointed. Pay attention to your body and to your needs. Try and make sure that before you agree to something that you can fully commit to the situation. If you are too fatigued, too rundown or too busy you may no be able to fulfill your promise, and you don't want to be flaky, right?
And lastly, don't play part in childish games, intentionally or unintentionally. Listen, you are an adult and if you say yes it's expected that you mean yes! If you mean no, then say no, even if it is hard. You don't want to play games or appear unauthentic. Saying no can be difficult, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't say it and it doesn't mean that you can't say it. Believe me, you can! If you are committed to make a change, you will. Your life will be much less complicated when you say what you mean, I promise. Till next time....
With much love and much light,