Updated: Apr 19, 2018
Hey ya'll! That sounds nice, doesn't it? Not settling? But it also sounds a bit unrealistic, huh? So now you're sitting there going, "Oh my gawd Adriana, how ridiculous can you be?". Well, for those of you that know me, pretty ridiculous actually. But that's not the point! The point of today's blog is for you see and understand the importance of not settling, and getting a few tips on how to make this happen. So let's go!
Now please don't be too freaked out when I tell you this, but every decision is a choice, and every decision matters. In every decision we make a choice on how to value who we are and what we are doing. When you settle, you have made the decision to put yourself last. You have made the decision to not hold true to what you believe in or what you value. By making these "settling" decisions, you are actually telling yourself that you are not important enough to stand up for. You are telling yourself that you are not worth it. And trust me, your mental and physical brain are listening and remembering this. What kind of message are you sending yourself here? Not a very good one, right? Whether it is a "small" thing you settle for (not exercising this week even though you want to start feeling better) or a large one (staying in an unhealthy relationship even though you know you shouldn't) either way, it matters. And let me tell you why.....
First of all, your personal perspectives (including how you feel about yourself!) are largely based on your self talk - the things that you say to yourself inside your head all day long. It is incredibly important that what you say to yourself is of value because it determines how see yourself and the world around you (remember when I said that your mental and physical brain are listening??). Secondly, the more you send out messages of low self worth, the more you are going to attract it. If you keep sending out negative vibes, you will keep receiving crappy people and crappy situations. Basic laws of attraction, baby. Thirdly, not all situations are easy to get out of. We often find ourselves "stuck" in situations we don't want to be in because we chose to not stand up for ourselves. Such situations hold us back, exhaust us and can potentially be dangerous, so think before you settle because it does matter. Lastly, and most importantly, this is YOUR life! You only have one (well, at least for this lifetime) so why would you not want to live it in the absolute best way possible? We are SO lucky to live in a place where we actually have some say in how our lives are played out. So don't be idle and waste such an amazing opportunity. Stop settling today!
So now that you see that settling can be really damaging to yourself and your lovely self worth, how can you get out of the habit? As always, I got a few tips to help you get started!
Think before you act - or answer. This may seem obvious, but it is something many of us forget to do a lot of the time. Take a quick moment before you respond or act, even just ten seconds. A moment of silence in a conversation is totally ok.
Practice saying no. Many of us find that we just "don't know how" to say no or that we are just too uncomfortable with it. The more you practice the more prepared you will feel to use the word 'no', and the easier it will become. So, practice!
Be kind to others when saying no. I just never feel it is ok to be rude (unless you are being threatened of course!). But for the sake of personal growth and just being downright respectful of others, be kind. You don't need to be an asshole to get a point across. I promise.
Imagine what it will be like if you settle. Perhaps a particular decision doesn't seem like such a big deal, but maybe it is? Take a moment and think about it. What will the outcome look like? Will you be able to "get out" of this outcome if you want to, and if so, how easily? Are you respecting your values by making this decision? Take the time.
Make some changes. Already in a "settled" situation and feeling "stuck"? Ask a friend to help you get out of the situation. Hire a coach to hold you accountable and begin making and sustaining changes. You may be able to do it all alone, but never hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
Turn to your support system. They are there for you! Support systems are what keep many of us going during challenging times. Not to mention, it really helps to get an outside perspective. If you don't have such people in your life, time to start getting some. Like today.
Practice your "self talking" out loud. When you find you are about to settle or feeling that you are not worth the better choice, stop and say out loud "I WILL NOT settle. I deserve the better option and I WILL CHOOSE the better option." I know this seems kinda silly, but it is much easier to change your self talk when you practice it out loud. Trust.
Try and figure out "why" you settle. This is important!! Why do you settle? Do you really think you are not worth it? Do you worry that your values are not going to line up with those around you? Are you ashamed to ask for greatness? Whatever it is, figure it out, talk it out with a trusted someone and get some answers.
Find an alternative. Give yourself something constructive to do other than settle. If you figured out that you settle because you lack self confidence, for example, then next time instead of settling initiate a confidence building exercise. Call the friend who you confided in about your insecurities and help them talk you off the edge. Practice your "out loud" self talk. Have a few ideas on hand so you will be ready when the time comes.
Settling can be something that we have taught ourselves to do, something that we feel we have to do, or something that we do because we just don't know how to behave otherwise. In any case, it is something that we can change with some determination and some practice. Hopefully, this post will shed some light on the matter, and help get you started.
Till next time!
With much love and much light,