Are You a Good Enough Mom?
That's a trick question- because of course you are!!!
It's easy for so many of us mommas to get caught up in wondering if we are doing a good enough job. Honestly, not a day goes by where I don't hear this concern from a client, friend or colleague. And while this is a totally normal feeling to have, we want to make sure it's kept healthy and under control. As always...here are a few tips to help get you started.
Take it easy on yourself! For crying out loud ladies! Give yourself a break! Remember that you are your harshest critic. Being a mom is hard work, and while we may mess up sometimes (or a lot of times) that doesn't mean that we are not doing a good job, it only means that we are human.
Talk about it. Talk to a trusted someone about how you have been feeling. It may be just to vent or it may be to get some honest feedback. But whatever it is, really think about what you are wanting from the conversation before opening up (support, advice or just an empathic ear?) to make sure you are going to the right person.
Really think about what being a "good" mom means to you. We can get so bogged down by other's definitions of what it means to be a good mom that we loose sight of our own. Think about what you want to be to your children and what you want to show and teach them. From there, you can focus on seeing if these characteristics show up in your life the way you want them to.
Have an honest conversation with yourself. Are you sure you think you're not doing a good enough job? Maybe you're upset because you're currently undergoing a difficult transition with one of your kids? Or because you are not getting something that you need in your life? Or maybe you are not feeling appreciated? Figure this out and pinpoint what is really going on.
Make some changes! If you are really truly upset about something, then it's time to make some changes. Once you've figured out what being a good mom means to you and how those attributes show up in your current life, begin mapping out which ones hold the highest priority. Use this as a guide on where to start and what to move on to next once you have accomplished your first goal (and trust me, you will). Start with small realistic goals and slowly ramp up as they become easier to accomplish.
Trust yourself. Listen to your gut. Please please please trust your instincts and treat them with value and respect. It's called women's intuition for a reason.
And lastly, take care of yourself. As moms this may mean only getting fifteen minutes to yourself this week or it may mean having a girls weekend. But whatever it is, take the time and make sure you feel taken care of, at least most of the time. And if you don't, then speak up, ask for help and make it happen. I promise, this will make you feel like a better momma.
I know that these tips are brief, and that a lot more goes into solving the riddle of "how to be a wonderful mother", but I want you to all know that you are not alone with these struggles. These feelings are part of what it is to be a mom, and most of us have them at one time or another. If you really have concerns around this subject, whether it's from me, a friend or a counselor, please seek help. You should not have to do this alone, and you definitely do not have to.
Till next time....
With much love and with much light,